Discipline. What does this BDSM term suggest to you? If you are like many people the first thing you may think of is corporal punishment. Perhaps an image of an errant schoolboy, draped across the lap of a stern teacher, waiting to receive a spanking, flashes across your mind.

As lovely as such images are, they only begin to scratch the surface of the role of discipline in kink. As a professional Dominatrix I have spent years developing a deep understanding of the “D” in BDSM. And I am thrilled to share my views on the delicious topic of discipline.

Let’s begin.

The Root of Discipline

The origin of the word discipline is “disciple”. In the context of BDSM, where power difference and hierarchy are core concepts, this insight is fascinating. Being a disciple means having a devoted allegiance to the teachings of one chosen as a Master. This definition immediately evokes the feeling of the submissive role. Devotion, loyalty, allegiance, dedication – these are all positive qualities that a Dominant enjoys receiving and a submissive craves giving. Disciple also implies a feeling of a close and permanent attachment. This mirrors the Dominant/submissive interaction.

There is also the connection to religious imagery, where a disciple is a dedicated follower of a spiritual leader. For many submissives a Mistress inspires an almost religious sense of awe, devotion, and reverence.

D is for Discipline

Discipline is a common element in BDSM interaction. Discipline in power exchange has two different meanings:

• Training someone to obey and follow certain rules or show certain behavior.
• Using punishment to enforce rules or correct behavior.

Discipline can be present in all aspects of the relationship between a Dominant and their partner, but it is most common during submissive training. This is the period where a Dominant provides the structure and guidelines that must be followed to display proper obedience and devotion.

Punishment is an aspect of discipline, but what is more fundamental is that the submissive learns what is expected and acts accordingly.

Rules and Behaviors

Not all BDSM interactions need to incorporate training or punishment. For many the focus is on other aspects, such as sensation, sadomasochism, or bondage.

But for those who are fascinated by Dominance and submission, power exchange, and Master/slave role-play discipline is a foundational concept. A submissive craves the structure that a Dominant provides. They can switch off that part of the brain involved in decision-making and exist in a world of pure feeling and experience. The restrictions placed on them are freeing, even if they appear as a loss of control.

The Dominant enjoys the feeling of controlling their environment and ensuring that their needs are being met by enforcing a code of behavior.

Like all aspects of BDSM the way discipline is expressed varies among different relationships. In some dynamics rules and behaviors are enforced in an informal manner. The Dominant simply expresses how they like things done and the submissive adapts accordingly. Molding and shaping is occurring, but are not made explicit.

In other interactions training and discipline are identified as core aspects. The slave is trained. The distinction between Master and student is made clear.

The bottom line is that many submissives crave structured authority. They have a deep yearning for Dominant Control to give them meaning, both in the moment and in their lives. Their submissive orientation involves strong impulses to indulge, to satisfy, and to give. They ache to know the parameters of how to please. And – just as important – how not to displease. Instructing them in the proper way to behave – providing discipline – is a core need.

Dominants have an orientation towards controlling their environment. Their needs are met as well through discipline. They know exactly what to expect and experience the thrill of watching another human being conform to their will.

Punishment

“A slap in the face is more effective than ten lectures” – Venus in Furs, Leopold von Sacher-Masoch

Physical and emotional torment is often a key component of a BDSM dynamic. But not all torment falls under the category of punishment. A severe whipping may be exactly what a masochist seeks. A good spanking can be a deeply desired prelude to an erotic evening. At times receiving pain is a reward for a submissive. The Dominant knows how much the submissive craves the expression of the Master’s control and power, and gives it to them as a boon.

Punishment in discipline, however, is geared towards deepening the obedience to rules and required behavior. The infliction of a penalty for non-compliance reinforces prior messages delivered and sets boundaries in a profound and concrete way.

As with many aspects of BDSM, punishment has a subtle and contradictory nature. The submissive freely consents to a desired activity. Yet to be effective in controlling behavior he must, on some level, fear the torment to come.

The types of punishment used by the Disciplinarian are varied and include:

• Pain – Often the first thing that comes to mind when the word discipline is used. Punishment should, on some level, be unpleasant. Pain is one of the most unpleasant experiences that exists.
• Corporal Punishment – One method of pain deliverance is impact play. However, impact play can often be used as a reward as a prelude to an erotic evening. One subtle trick for those engaging in Discipline is to make a clear distinction between these activities. The Dominant selects one item – a paddle, crop, or whip – that she knows is unpleasant for the submissive and one that he fears, and uses it as the primary disciplinary tool. The message becomes clear. The torment being delivered is to correct behavior and enforce compliance.
• Chores – Punishment does not need to appear like a classic BDSM activity. It just needs to be unpleasant. Ordering the submissive to perform chores that are arduous or annoying is a beautiful way for the Dominant to correct misbehavior. Cleaning the bathroom, weeding the garden, or organizing the garage are excellent examples of domestic discipline. Also, the activity doesn’t need to have a purpose. Often the most effective chore punishments are meaningless. Examples include having to count the grains of rice in a large pile or being made to write a sentence 100 times.
• Old-Fashioned Domestic Discipline – There are historical examples of domestic punishment that are classic for a reason. They are easy to implement and enormously effective. Examples include washing the mouth out with soap and corner time.
• Ordeals – Any activity that is painful or unpleasant over prolonged periods is an effective way to punish misbehavior. Uncomfortable confinement, predicament bondage, or sensory deprivation will leave a lasting impression on the submissive and enforce the Dominant’s authority.
• Deprivation – Taking away a privilege is a powerful form of punishment. The Dominant chooses an activity that the submissive enjoys but doesn’t need, and limits it for a period of time.
• Stern Lectures – Not all punishment is physical. Being made to listen to a lecture about misbehavior can be quite unpleasant for a submissive. Submissives often have a deep desire to please. To be lectured about how they have fallen short can trigger difficult emotions like a sense of failure or the anticipation of punishment. Being effectively called to the Headmistress’s office for a stern rebuke is an experience that many submissives dread.

Discipline Elevated: Self-Discipline

Discipline has another meaning. One that has profound implications for elevating the Dominant/submissive interaction.

Discipline also means the ability to continue working on something difficult, or an activity that is done regularly as a way of training yourself to do something to improve behavior. Self-discipline allows a person to achieve meaningful goals.

There is a common misconception that submission is a passive activity. That it is something that the Dominant does to the submissive. In this framework the submissive is the recipient of training, punishment, and adjustment. The Dominant is doing the discipline. The submissive accepts.

However, a more rewarding framework for both parties sees submission as deeply active. That it is something that the submissive gives to the Dominant. In this elevated framework the submissive actively seeks to embody the traits desired by the Dominant. They use self-discipline to structure their behavior in the desired way and generate the energy required to achieve it. The submissive is self-motivated to model ideal behavior. The submissive doesn’t just accept – he achieves.

The difference is one of a partner who demonstrates submission, and not merely accepts it. The Dominant sets and communicates ideal behavior and general rules. The submissive strives actively, through self-discipline, to achieve the standards.

THE BOTTOM LINE

Just like any other kink practice the expression of discipline should align with the core principles of ethical BDSM: consent, communication, trust, safety, and aftercare.

Under these core principles discipline is a transformative and profound experience. As a professional Dominatrix I have seen the power of enforcing rules and behavior in changing the lives of submissives. The craving for structured Dominant authority lives deep within, and discipline satisfies that longing. There is magic in the eyes of a submissive as he strives to meet my ideal behavior standards and fears the punishment for non-compliance.

And as a natural Dominant, I simply adore the power I wield over another person as they are molded to my specific tastes. Control is what I seek. Discipline achieves that desire.