Chastity

One of the keys to understanding BDSM is the role of transformation. Those who don’t understand this wonderful lifestyle lock on to its perversity and strangeness. What they don’t see is that kink is a profound way to break out of the cage of social expectations and explore powerful emotions. Through a process of metamorphosis pain becomes pleasure, humiliation is a source of strength, and feminization a way of becoming a better man.

Chastity is another source of confusion for those new to the world of BDSM. How can a denial of sexual activity be a source of erotic satisfaction?

In this post we will explore this paradox. And discover that for some denial is the most toe-curling, heart-pounding sex there is.

A Religious Experience

The origin of chastity is a Latin word that means “morally pure”. Throughout history lust has been seen by societies as something dangerous, a powerful impulse that needs to be channeled and controlled. For many religions lust is a sin. Chastity – the denial of lust – becomes a virtue.

In these religions chastity is not merely abstinence or celibacy. It is not simply the absence of sex. It’s a spiritual practice. In this view chastity is a matter of striving to conform, without resentment, one’s heart and mind to the authorship of God in terms of sexuality.

This orientation is mirrored in the dynamic between a Dominant and submissive in a BDSM relationship. For the submissive conforming – bending to the will of the Dominant – is an act of devotion. The Dominant’s control may invoke feelings of torment – and they expect the submissive to suffer these feelings without resentment. Controlling the sexuality of the submissive becomes a test of obedience, one the Dominant seeks to impose and the submissive to satisfy.

Beyond Tease and Denial

The BDSM practice of tease and denial is related to chastity, though with a difference. Tease and denial is a form of erotic play that involves taunting and withholding satisfaction or orgasm from a partner. It can be a powerful tool for maximizing pleasure and enhancing sexual experience.

Tease and denial happens in the moment as a way of increasing sexual pleasure. Chastity is often more long-term. The denial isn’t just momentary – it becomes a way of being. The Dominant demands the right to control the sexuality of the submissive. The submissive relinquishes control over their erotic life. They are not allowed to interact with other sexual partners. They cannot have an orgasm without permission or without being in the presence of the Dominant. Masturbation is forbidden. They may even be denied any physical arousal at all for extended periods.

Devices and Desires

Chastity is often simply mental. The Dominant sets out expectations for behavior regarding sexuality. The submissive submits to the discipline and conforms to expectations.

An elevated form of this practice involves not just mental discipline but also physical devices: chastity belts for females and cock cages for males.

A Dominant may have the expectation that their wishes for erotic power will be followed simply because they have stated them – but yet may desire the extra control that a physical device provides. The submissive may have a deep need to follow expectations – and yet crave the concrete representation of the Dominant’s power gripping their body.

The symbolism of a chastity device has a profound resonance. Locks and keys are not just physical objects – they are metaphors. Important things are locked up – and special people are allowed access to keys.

A Dominant who holds a submissive in chastity is often referred to as the keyholder. This role has deep meaning for both parties. For the Dominant this is a position of power and responsibility. For the submissive it is one of submission and trust.

In some relationships the physical key is displayed by the Dominant in public. For example, a Dominant woman may wear a necklace with the key as adornment. This may be subtle enough to not attract undue attention in a vanilla public setting – and yet be a constant visual reminder to the caged submissive of Her power over his sexuality.

The Benefits of Chastity Play

There are many benefits of mental and physical chastity for both Dominant and submissive.

Power Exchange The core dynamic in BDSM is the exchange of power. This transfer is most potent when it involves core aspects of a person’s life. Sexuality is fundamental to a person. For a Dominant it is thrilling to take control over an important feature of another human being. For a submissive it is breathtaking to feel that power.

Chastity has a paradoxical nature. A submissive is often attracted to BDSM because of the thrilling sexual encounters it promises. Yet chastity prevents sexual satisfaction. The submissive is caught in a double bind – erotically attracted to power, yet that power is used to deny erotic release.

The Dominant revels in the paradox. They know the erotic craving of the submissive. And delight in the feeling of power that denial provides.

Strengthened Intimacy Chastity increases the emotional connection between Dominant and submissive. Sexual impulses and desires are often the gateway for submissives, and they at first see BDSM as primarily an erotic activity. Chastity breaks that pattern.

Through chastity the submissive is free – or, perhaps even forced – to interact with other aspects. The Dominant emphasizes the exploration of mental, emotional, spiritual, or romantic sides of the dynamic. The Dominant becomes more than an object of sexual gratification to the submissive. They are the leader, the guide, a focus for channeling submissive energies to a higher good.

Over time, the desire for erotic satisfaction is replaced by a craving for the happiness and approval of the Dominant. The submissive learns true submission – serving goals and priorities. The Dominant creates a willing subject devoted to their well-being.

Along with strengthened intimacy comes increased obedience. The yearning for the Dominant partner’s approval replaces the longing for erotic release. The submissive derives satisfaction instead through acts of service and compliance. The sweet torment of denial is channeled into a more focused, more obedient partner.

Total Control Physical chastity is concrete, total control. Power exchange involves the expectation of authority for the Dominant and the anticipation of compliance for the submissive. With chastity there is no need for expectation or anticipation – control is a concrete fact.

Dominants and submissives willingly engage in power exchange. A submissive doesn’t need to be “forced” to engage in the activity. Yet the beauty of the dynamic can be magnified beyond just basic desire. Physical chastity is a breathtaking way to accomplish this profound shift.

The Dominant doesn’t need to rely on the mental attitude of the submissive. They can see their power embodied in a cage physically locking away the submissive’s desire. Submissives often long for the freedom not to make choices. A chastity belt is a concrete demonstration of no choice.

Chastity brings similar benefits that bondage provides. Bondage induces a delicious sense of helplessness, a freedom in loss of freedom. A chastity cage evokes similar feelings of defenselessness.

Constant Reminder A core dynamic in BDSM is the desire by both parties to extend the interaction beyond erotic encounters. They seek to experience the feeling of Dominance and submission as a background hum in their daily lives, enriching even in the most mundane of activities, like going to work, or shopping, or being with friends.

There are many ways to bring the feeling of power exchange into everyday life. However, none are as easy or as profound as physical chastity.

With the simple act of locking the submissive the Dominant creates a reality that doesn’t go away until She chooses. The submissive wears a device that provides a constant reminder of their status and loss of control. Over time these reminders become simple facts of life. Submission isn’t something just to look forward to. It is ever present. They live in a highly-desired state of constant submission.

Humiliation is often desired by a submissive. The feeling of heavy steel on the body is a reminder of their lower status. The discomfort is a message that they are not in control. The fear of discovery by others is sweet torment.

The Dominant revels in their power. They are in control from afar and at all times. They don’t have to think of ways to demonstrate authority. The device is doing the work. They can simply go about their lives – with the added benefit of dwelling on their power whenever they so choose. They are in constant control.

Emasculation For male submissives physical chastity is a way to explore feelings of humiliation, inadequacy, and gender confusion.

Male submissives may struggle with the feeling that they are not “real men”. Social expectations of manhood are a source of anxiety.

Chastity is a way of removing these expectations – quite literally. Their very manhood is taken away. They can’t even experience arousal. The humiliation they fear isn’t a far-off potential – it exists as a current concrete fact on their body.

There is nothing more emasculating than being denied the right to your physical manhood.

Chastity allows male submissives to process the humiliation they fear in an immediate, concrete way. It may also allow them to explore other aspects of their sexuality. Freed from social expectations of manhood they can more readily connect with feelings of gender confusion.

As with all aspects of BDSM, chastity requires consent, communication, and awareness of risks. The emotional and physical safety of the participants is paramount. Ensure that you understand the basics of ethical BDSM behavior.

Physical chastity presents some unique challenges. There are different elements to explore – size of device, care and cleaning, bodily preparation, frequency and duration of use, health impacts, etc. Like other kink activities the risks are small and manageable – if you take the time to do the research and understand best practices. There are a number of resources online that give you the foundation to indulge in this activity safely. Take the energy to do the research.

The benefits are profound. For those who love power exchange, chastity play is one of the most exciting and soul-nourishing of BDSM activities.